|Circle Office, White Home - President Obama
issued stiff caution to major U.S. Companies in
regards to purchasing the right to name stadiums,
towers or any other objects after their company.
Citi Group Inc. is receiving a bailout. Citi Group
Inc. also has just this year paid twenty million
dollars to have the rights to have the brand new
stadium that the Mets play in, be called 'Citi Field'
and will be paying twenty million dollars every year
for the next several years to have that continue for
that to be the name of the stadium. In response to
that, Obama said, "What the F@#$? What a waste
of %ing money!!! @#$@ me! What $%^# and
#$*& potatoes!!! We're giving them free money
because they spend twenty MILLION DOLLARS
ON ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! NOTHING!!!!!!."
Obama went on to point out that If they would
have called it Citi Group Inc Field, as clunky as
that sounds, at least it would have been an ad of
some sort. And that when people hear Citi Field,
they just hear, 'City Field'. In an agitated tone he
stated, "What if Bausch and Loumb bought
Wrigley Field and they were like, 'Baucsh and
Lomb Field sounds too clunky, so we're just going
to use the first letter of each word for abbreviation.
So Wrigely Field will now be called 'B.A.L. Field'. It
will now be known that the Chicago Cubs play
baseball on B.A.L Field.' They would spend twenty
million dollars a year for a ball field to be called
The president had a temper tantrum and threw
a chair through a windsheild when he learned that
the London based Willis Company had negotiated
to have Sears Tower be called the Willis Tower.
Screaming at the top of his lungs, the president
said, "Basically what they've done is given away a
good deal of money to have people ignore them,
because the people will continue to call it the
Sears Tower because that's what its been called
for forty years. If the Milk Council bought earth,
and said that earth is now called 'Milk'. We would
still keep calling earth 'earth'. We wouldn't start
calling earth 'milk' because of an interaction two
idiots had. Big surprise the global economy has
gone to shit, big F-ing surprise!!!"
Mr. Obama ripped off his shirt, started beating
his chest and stared down all big business
compaines asking, "How do we let that pass for
any sort of rational behavior? Imagine if your
buddy won ten thousand dollars, and you went to
his apartment and it was a wreck, and you were
like, 'Why is your place a shit hole? Did you
already spend all of that ten thousand dollars?'
And your buddy was like 'Don't worry.'
Then he pulled back a curtain and pointed out the
window and said, 'Yes, yes, I spent ten thousand
dollars, but that tree in my neighbor's yard is now
called 'Steve'. Yeah, just trying to get my name out
And your like, 'So do you own the tree?'
And he's like, 'No, just the name of it.'
And your like, 'Wow, you spent ten thousand
dollars so that a tree will be named after you for
the rest of it's life.'
And he's like, 'No, not the rest of it's life, Just for
And if a year later he was like, 'Hey, for some
reason I'm completely broke, I was wondering if
maybe you could bail me out?" Would you bail
them out, or would you punch them in the face? I
think that's what we need to do, not bail out
companies, but punch companies in their face. I
mean what on Milk are they thinking?"
When asked about the bailouts of companies that
haven't spent obscene amounts of money on
naming inanimate objects after them, the
president couldn't be reached for comment since
he was busy delivering body blows to AIG and
biting the ear off Chrystler.
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